Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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