I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
