but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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