my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
