I'm pants shitting drunk right now
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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