Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
