when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
