dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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