What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
