I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
