If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
