Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
