I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
