I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
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you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
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Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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