Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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