I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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