we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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