i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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