I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
