I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
