I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
