I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
