Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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