I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
