you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
