my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
