If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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