I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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