Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
