the condom got lost in my hair
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
