Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
