I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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