Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
