I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
