Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
