You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
