Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
