i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
