We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
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