Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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