Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
