Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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