I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
