There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
