I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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