thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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