Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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