He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
