Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
