i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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