Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize