This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
