Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
