...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
