Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
