Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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