he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
