Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize