you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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