the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
