I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
