Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
