yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
