yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
