Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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