I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
