Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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