I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
