So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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