Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
