You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
