so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
